The Courage to Disappoint

Honouring Your Truth Over People-Pleasing

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul?”

This is a line from a poem I have carried with me for almost 30 years. It is titled The Invitation. Back when I first came across it, it was called The Declaration on Non-Interest. There are many messages throughout this poem and the above line is the message I wish to write about today. Why? Throughout my life I have been learning about who I am at my core – my inner world, and then, very slowly adapting my external world to be aligned with this. 

To do this, sometimes you have to acknowledge that something or someone you were once involved with is no longer right or healthy for you. It demands making a very challenging decision:

1) Keep this person or thing in your life knowing it is not right for you because the fear of disappointing another is too great and you maybe outcasted and no longer belong where you thought you once did  

2) Step away, face the fear and possible accusation of betrayal and not belonging.

I had to do this recently and when I did, I disappointed someone very important in my life. They could not understand my decision and yes, I was accused of many things. However, as soon as my truth had been spoken out loud, I WAS FREE. I was no longer betraying my own soul just to please another in order to fit in with a group of people; and it FELT GOOD. My body responded in a positive way by relaxing and letting go of tension. 

This doesn't mean it was easy. Leading up to this, I had to process and rise out of an inner struggle. My mind was trying to convince me overtime to not follow through whilst my body was clearly communicating to me ‘please do it’.

The tug-o-war between our conscious and our unconscious is something I am still learning to understand, manage and accept. The lesson, don’t always believe that little voice inside your head (the conscious) as it sometimes lies to us. We have to learn how to quieten this and tune into the messages from our body and within (the unconscious). When we do we will come to realise how much we actually betray our own soul because we live in fear of disappointing others. 

Living an authentic life starts with you knowing who you are at your core and being brave enough to disappoint another or others to be true to you.

Brene Brown states this so eloquently when discussing belonging and fitting in: 

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most AUTHENTIC self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing along in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” 

Love, health and happiness to you all.

Cath